Beware of Mystery Man – The Profile Deception

The college years were the dark years for me. I was stuck in a studio drafting Architectural drawings and renderings day and night in order to meet the inhumane deadlines my professors imposed for 4 years. This left me feeling like I was missing out on life to quite a large extent. One of my roommates was trying online dating and said she got dates all the time. She was adamant that I try it. My other roommate stumbled across us reviewing our matches, was intrigued, and was quickly persuaded to join us in this online dating adventure. We would sit together in the evening when we had nothing left to do and look at the hilarious messages we would get, and encourage each other to message those that seemed like the gems of the below average website population.

One day I got a particularly weird message from a guy on the site. He told me that his roommate didn’t have an account on the site, but thought we’d be and absolutely perfect match. I was completely weirded out, and refused his offer. He insisted that he was a great guy and that I should just message him on Facebook explaining that a mystery friend of his recommended I reach out to him. I told him that was beyond creepy, and that there was no way I was doing it.  He spent the next hour trying to persuade me otherwise. Meanwhile I kept noticing that elements of his profile were getting deleted by the minute.  I thought maybe he was updating it.  I checked his friends profile out on Facebook, and he seemed like a completely solid good guy. So I was beginning to entertain the thought of actually doing it.  Finally after this exhausting correspondence, I figured I would just be spontaneous for once. After all I was always the safe one, always so careful with every decision. It was time for me to go balls to the wall and liberate myself from my mundane life! So, I did it. I sent the message in the least creepy way possible.  When I went back to tell the guy on the dating site that I did it, he responded he was glad. A minute later his profile was completely erased.

I ended up getting a message back right away from the guy I messaged on Facebook, let’s call him “Steve”. He was puzzled, but very interested in what I had to say. We continued to have a correspondence for about a month. We ended up having a remarkable amount in common. Similar hobbies, values, and love for the same aesthetics, philosophy–I was thinking that maybe my spontaneity paid off for once.


Steve and I finally decided to connect over phone. Our first call was completely bizarre. He said “hello” and nothing else. He took forever to respond, leaving an almost unbearable amount of awkward silence. I couldn’t believe this was the same guy who was so easy to talk to on Facebook! I thought maybe he was just nervous, and continued to talk to him on the phone almost every night for another month. We had interesting conversations, but there was just something really off about the way he spoke to me. He wouldn’t understand really basic concepts about common philosophies, and was really abrupt about the way he asked things. He would randomly ask my opinion on exorbitant items he was looking to purchase to see which one he should buy.  On top of all of that, the awkward silences and painfully delayed responses never ceased to exist.


A few weeks in the phone conversation phase, he would get really irked by the weirdest things if I didn’t say it just right. One time I told him I had to use the restroom, and would call him back in a minute. When I called him back he was very upset at me. I was baffled. He told me that he found it repulsive that I told him I had to use the restroom. He told me that under no circumstance should a woman tell anyone she is using the restroom, even on a road trip. I had never come across this issue before. This instance added to the odd feeling I was beginning to get.  Despite all of that I focused on the positive and continued getting to know him, and even transitioned into a brief Skype phase.


After 2-3 months, we decided to finally meet in person. He picked me up in a luxury SUV and took me to sushi. While at the restaurant he seemed happy, but wasn’t very talkative. I constantly had to initiate conversation. He didn’t comment on how I looked, even though I was all dolled up. He also didn’t say anything about being excited to finally meet me after all that time. When it came time to order drinks, he didn’t ask me what I wanted, he told me I was getting a pear martini.  So I got a pear martini. He also ordered me to eat the eel. I had no say in the matter. Because I hadn’t already taken initiative to eat the eel he was “very disappointed, because he really wanted me to try it”.  In his car after the dinner I complemented him by saying, “This is one of the most well designed luxury SUV’s I’ve seen”. He looked at me genuinely shocked, and said “this is a luxury SUV? I didn’t know that this was considered in the luxury category”.  It was unmistakably one of the most common luxury car brands, so I found his response pretty odd.


When we got back to my house he walked me to my door and gave me a very casual hug and said, “Maybe I’ll see you again some day”. What? What did that mean? He didn’t even say he had a great night or anything. SO I just figured the date must have been a wreck in his eyes, and that was that.


The next day I receive a phone call from him asking if I want to come to his best friend’s birthday party in Santa Ana. I thought maybe he was interested me and just couldn’t express himself. I agreed to go with him, and then he casually mentioned that since it was a far drive, he and I would get a hotel room.  Now this didn’t seem so innocent. I told him that it was inappropriate, so he quickly backtracked saying he wouldn’t pull anything funny on me, and didn’t mean to sound perverted, and so on. I let it slide, but didn’t go with him.  After ten days I hadn’t heard a peep from Steve. I figured he lost interest because I refused his hotel extravaganza.


Out of no where, Steve texts me saying that he would be in my area and wanted to know if I was up to get a massage with him. This was definitely the last straw. I called him and told him that the whole thing just wasn’t working out because it appeared he didn’t even like me, but was continuing to suggest inappropriate get-togethers. He told me that he was just taking his time and was in no rush to have a relationship. I asked if he even had any feelings for me, or at the least thought I was attractive. He said he wasn’t going to say anything about it because he was taking it slow and didn’t want to reveal anything pre-maturely. I asked him if he ever been in love, and he said “no”, but he had been in a number of relationships, including the most recent one in which was with a girl for three years that he never loved. I told him there was no point in seeing him anymore because this was a giant waste of time. He was enraged. He yelled at me and told me that I was making a horrible mistake, that he was the best I could ever get, and that I was going to regret leaving such a great guy. I found it unsettling, but also hilarious how he was so angry if he didn’t even like me. The conversation ended awkwardly and he proceeded to block me on Facebook and Skype. By the very next day he had a profile on the dating website that I met his “roommate” on.


My friends and I speculated a lot about the peculiar situation, and how odd the guy acted all along. We have a theory that it was most likely him who created a fake profile to scope out girls. He then for whatever sick reason, made me message him on Facebook. We think it might have been some sort of power-trip thing, considering the controlling attributes he was displaying. It was also odd how Steve’s “roommate’s” dating profile magically was deleted after I messaged him. Additionally, none of the pictures or names of his friends on Facebook matched to any pictures of his “roommate’s” online dating profile. I don’t even think he had a roommate. Whenever we talked on Skype, he was the only one in the whole house.


In the end I was greatly relieved to be rid of this creepy control-freak.  I just couldn’t believe how much time I had wasted giving him the benefit of the doubt. From then on, as soon as I started getting even a hint of “off-ness”, it was good-bye.


By:  Maria

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